way to go

I remember my clinical instructor once asked us, " are you just forced to take nursing? or is it really your choice?are you happy that you are here now?" it made me think hard coz' I myself really wants to know if this is really what i want. Most of my classmates agreed that they are just forced to take the course because of practicality. And sometimes i have that same idea. It is a fact that there is a money in Nursing field. Huge dollars to be specific. but iis it enough for the students to take the risk of choosing what they dont want over what they really want to be? YES! coz i was in that position and maybe a lot of us took the risk. but where am I now? weeks from now, I will be doing the job as a student nurse. I will handle patients and give them my full service and believe it or not, i am excited and happy about it.
On my first year as a nursing student, i was a bit hesitant to continue it because on my mind, i want to be a chef or maybe a newscaster. But with the help of my jolly classmates, i felt that, i belong to this group--- students of BS Nursing. w/o my knowledge, i was already enjoying the excruciating truth that i wouldnt be a chef or a newscaster..but a NURSE in the near future.
on my 2nd year, I was exposed to a community. A community that is not aware of the things that could make them a healthy person. Seeing them made me feel that I am so lucky to have this kind of life. We did seminars about health, medical missions, and a lot more things. I could say that this year is the highlight of me being a nursing student because it is the first time I see people counting on me, respecting me and seeing me as a noble person. Because in their mind, i will be a nurse someday. And i could be the one who will help them (of course w/ a group of medical team) in promoting their health or maybe save their lives.
I experienced giving a lectures infront of the people older than me and it is just like heaven seeing them doing what you are asking them to do and thanking you for the advices and informations you have given. It was really heart-warming to the point that i realize this is what i want. that i am happy with whats happening and with what i am doing.
Now, i'm a 3rd year student and with my honesty, i can say that "no this is not my choice but i am happy that i am here. And im glad i took the risk. The experience, the smiles, and the fact that it is life what you are saving is more than a thousand of dollars i could possibly earn.
i may not be a newscaster, but i can still send informations to my would-be patients. i'm not a chef but i could cook ideas to benefit those who needs it.
I have gone through a lot of hardships in terms of studying...but i know i havent suffered enough. being a nurse requires a lot of sufferings. I am yet to be a professional nurse but with the smiles coming from the patients knowing that u somehow extend their lives, i know i will enjoy the sufferings..
sometimes, you have to take the risk for you to know where you will really fit in. I'm glad i did and im proud to say that this is what i really want. Without risk, opportunity will have its end.

who's watching me??

an immature's thought

and the candle said, "come here my dear moth, let me burn your wings for you to stop flying and be with me forever my dear friend" the moth followed the candle for he doesnt want to hurt the feelings of the candle. slowly, the moth's wing started to tear off he fell on the floor. the candle burst out for he cannot see the moth. because of that, his energy went low..he exerted to much effort to light and see the moth and finally the candle's light, reach the floor and see the moth crawling on his side, but then when he finally reach the level enough to see the beloved friend, his light started to dim...

-sometimes when we want to hold someone forever, we end up losing them because of the immature thought coming into our mind.and when we are finally there, mature enought to straighten the curves we have formed, we realize that it's too late to do so..
-the candle should have just let the moth's wing to be burnt naturally (coz thats how its gonna be) than making things fast w/o noticing that it will juz hurt the moth...

black

regret is next to letting go.
im not refering to regret because u let go of the person
but because of the things you did for you to have reasons to let go.
if your one of those whom i always hurt but definitely worth keeping..
but end up losing.. i'm sorry.. i wish i could just turn back time
and regain the good relationship.. but obviously its far from reality
so all i could do now is to regret..and think that maybe the friendship we had
is not meant to be forever..

i bleed...

O no, I see, I spun a web, it's tangled up with me, And I lost my head, The thought of all the stupid things I said, O no what's this? A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle, I turned to run, The thought of all the stupid things I've done, I never meant to cause you trouble, And I never meant to do you wrong, And I, well if I ever caused you trouble, O no, I never meant to do you harm. O no I see, A spider web and it's me in the middle, So I twist and turn, Here I am in love in a bubble, Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble, I never meant to do you wrong, And I, well if I ever caused you trouble, Although I never meant to do you harm. They spun a web for me, They spun a web for me, They spun a web for me.